Seriously, life is boring, it has it's ups and down, but when it comes down to it, it's boring.

You eat sleep, work sleep. And that goes on day after day after day. Then when it gets back to school time you eat school work eat sleep.

When does it stop.

Well i'll stop my rambles,

later

-Untitled-

I know i'm just me
an untitled girl,
Someone just trying to make it
in this sad confused world.

Im not trying to prove anything
to myself or anyone else,
Im just merely existing
in this place of living hells.

And no i dont live
just for the hell of it,
I live because i want to
Otherwise i'd be done with this shit.

Now don't get the wrong impression
im normally happy and blonde,
But now im starting to wonder
Would people miss me if i was gone.

Have i made an imprint on people at all
am i living life for a reason,
Or am i like the autumn
just a dying season.

Come on i know im not the only one
who wonders all this stuff,
Or am i just a lonely girl
Thinking of things that are tough?

Don't worry this isnt a suicide poem
Im just wondering about things idled,
and please dont take me seriously
After all, im just untitled.

-My Daisy-

He loves me, he loves me not
hurry daisy! Let me know!
He loves me, he loves me not
is it a yes, or is it a no.

He loves me, he loves me not
petals falling like autumn leaves,
He loves me, he loves me not
down around and past my knees.

He loves me, he loves me not
Come on, come on im getting frantic,
He loves me, he loves me not
will we ever be romantic?

He loves me, he loves me not
now remaining, petals three,
He loves me, he loves me not
It finally revealed......He loves me!

-What I see- (dedicated to megan)

You call yourself ugly
but thats a lie.
Any beauty i own
I'd have to buy.

You say guys dont notice you
but you must be blind.
You have to see what i see
To yourself you should be kind.

If you think you're not liked
then come where i stand.
Guys rush to help you
they don't lend me a hand.

If you take a look around you
then you would plainly see,
That any girl would envy you
one of them being me.

I might be fun to be around
and have a good personality.
But you have that and more
if you could see what i see.

I wish that you would look in the mirror
just have a look and see.
See if you can see the beautiful person
that's standing right in front of me.

-The mistake and the consequence-

If i have to be your friend
if thats all i can get
then ill take that job with honour
i'll be the best one yet.

Ill offer you my shoulder
ill show you i can care
ill be there when you need me
i'm not going anywhere.

If i have to be your friend
the one who hears you cry
then i'll take that job with honour
ill take that job with pride.

My love for you is stronger
than you will ever know
but for you to ever love me again
i guess ill have to let that go

The anxiety i've caused you
it just hurts for me to think
but now i've made the mistake
you're my missing link.

The pain i've also caused myself
the pain i want to go away
the pain of losing you
to get you back, i wish there was a way.

The memories fresh in my mind
the places that we went
the fun we had together
all that time that we spent.

But no i have lost you
i am sad to say
crying is something i always do
i lost you the second i went out to play.

You were right
you knew best
you knew what would happen
I should've listened to you, not the rest.

The many tears i've shed for us
enough to make a stream
if i could only be with you
i wouldnt have to dream.

All the fights we had
and we always won
i hope this would be the same
i didnt think this would come.

All the jokes you've said
the smiles we've shared
the moments of laughter
and the secrets we sweared.

I wish that you would just be there
to hug me, make it all right
I wish that i wouldnt have done it
the mistake i made that night.

It just me worse
to watch you down the hall
i want you to forgive me
i want you to call.

My heart is miserable
my mide constantly wanders
how could i have done it
I just sit and ponder.

But now i must keep our conversation light
it's for our own well being
So hey! Whats up? How are you?
What movies are you seeing?

You need time to think
you need time to heal
you need time to remenice
you need time to feel.

But when the course is at the end
And the race is finally run
remenber it's your friend
who has love you from day one.

If someone asked me
would you date him again if you could?
in a heartbeat i'd say
Yes, yes i would.

-Mirror Image-

I hate this girl with no self esteem
who wishes she could sleep so she can dream,
Dream of things she wishes she had
fearing reality makes her sad.

I hate think girl
who cries herself to sleep,
everynight she wishes
For something to love and keep.

All this needs
is someone to say.
I love you so much
everything is okay.

I tell this girl she's beautiful
But she wont listen to me.
because when she looks in the mirror
that isn't what she sees.

I hate her! I hate her!
I hate this girl, i hate what i see.
When im looking in the mirror,
She's staring back at me.

-Falling-

My heart is always falling
falling for someone new.
Could it be my heart
Is falling back to you.

I dont know if you notice me
i dont know if you care.
But one thing i miss the most
is now you're never there.

Never there to comfort me
Not there when i cry.
You're not here, you left me there
Alone i wont even try.

I tried once before
then i tried again,
Now i have to accept
you are just my friend.

Dear friend do you still like me
the way that you used to?
I guess not, the relationships over
it's done-we're through.

My heart is always falling
falling for someone new.
ow my heart understands
It cant fall back to you.

-Only in my dreams-

Although you do not know it
every night you are with me.
I impatiantly await your arrival
as you come inside my dream.

Every time amazing adventures
every adventure an awesome surprise.
And all of this is happening
when i close my eyes.

We've walked on sandy beaches
viewed skies of the bluest blue.
Marvelled at golden palaces
each dream is something new.

We've sat on marshmallow clouds
played in sivler snow.
Climbed mountains of impeccable height
you always know where to go.

I trust you with my secrets
i tell you all my fears.
I know you'll always listen
through smiles and through tears.

There's never an awkward moment
never an absent word.
What we have is special
as free as a bird.

But it's so unlike reality
unlike any normal day.
My thoughts are never clouded
i always know what to say.

Endless conversations
hours lost in bliss.
These few hours i live for
the precious moments i miss.

But i face a rude awakening
when i hear the alarm clock sound.
I pull the covers over my head
my thoughts still spinning round.

I would give it all up
in the quickness of a scream.
Just to be with you
to be lost inside my dream.

So until then i will hope
that i will gain some luck.
And when i sleep, dreaming of you
you'll be there when i wake up.

-My walk with a Leaf-

I was walking down the road of life one day
when i saw a leaf lying by.
He came up to me with a few words to say
with a half smile and a sigh.

He introduced his little self to me
his story, his life, his cry, his smile.
And as we reached the faraway tree
i realised we'd walked for over a mile.

And this marked a new beginning
of our everyday walk together.
I felt like a bird with wings
of which the leaf was the feather.

We soon began walking close by
the leaf became a part of me.
If he were to wither, i were to die
If he bloomed i'd be happy.

Then one day things weren't so good
i guess the leaf was tired of the walk.
He didn't behave like he usually would
i knew it was time for a talk.

We talked and fought while i cried
i didn't want the leaf to wither away.
There wasn't a thing I hadn't tried
to convince him to keep walking my way.

Then suddenly the wind blew the leaf away
the time right after dawn.
I wanted so badly for him to stay
but i had to face that he was gone.

I thought about the leaf for long
and our walks i thought would last.
To pass time i read or sang a song
but that too reminded me of the past.

And as i walk the path of life today
i see many leaves lying by.
I guess it's time for a few words to say
and bid memories of the old leaf goodbye.

-Looking Back-
One day you'll look back
and you'll realize i'm gone.
you will finally see the mistakes you made
you'll realise you were wrong.

One day i will get over you
i'll realise you hurt me.
i'll realise to this heart
you never had the key

Someday you will look back
and you will wish that i was there,
You'll think about me when you are alone
and wonder if i still care.

One day i'll forget about you
your face wont cross my mind.
The pieces of my broken heart
i am sure to find.

You start to miss my smell
my smile and my face.
You'll start to see the pain you caused
and the mistakes you cant erase.

One day this weight will be lifted
i will finally be free.
No more wishing you were there
no more of you hurting me.

The saddest part os this all
is that this really will come true.
And the day you really want me back
is the day i stop loving you.

-Motherless Child-

One day she up and left
without a kiss goodbye.
Now i'm all alone
and all i do is cry.

I still have faith
and i still pray.
In hopes
that she will return someday.

Maybe one day
She'll wake up and see.
That she has a child to care for
and that child is me.

-Popular-

A three syllable word we hold so high
Always wishing to be like the other guys.
You say it like it's something great
But why does something good cause so much hate.
The word cuts hearts and ruins reputations
It's a stereotype with high expectations.
For people below, certain people have it all
Basing their lives so the ones at the top fall.
They dont realise these kids are so much like themselves.
You spit the word at people, not realising it's meaning
At the basis of of which our world is leaning.
A word holding so much anger
Look deeper can't you see it's danger.
Dont let this word confine your dreams
Popular isn't everything it seems.

-Alone-
Do you ever feel alone
like there is nobody there.
Even though they are all alone
you feel like nobody cares.

No one wants to listen
no one has a clue
They just go on with there lives
so what should you do.

Suicides not a solution
neither are drugs.
They dont solve anything
the cure lies in a hug.

Dont let dreams fly away
hold them in a clutch.
Remember it's the little things
that makes life mean so much.

-Shallow-
I cannot and never will
judge a person by there face.
It doesnt matter if they're pretty
or from a different race.

It's how they tell the truth
when you expected them to lie.
It's how they make you feel
and will never make you cry.

How do you say she's ugly
then turn and walk away.
When quite possibly
she has a valid point to say.

How can you say he's weird
then be cruel and mean.
When he has a niceness
that's always gone unseen.

How can you say those things
when you're not a winning prize.
You think you're all that
well keep telling yourself lies.

These people that you put down
the ones that arnt your friends.
They dont have to deal with your crap
they'll be better in the end.

-Frozen Stone-

Frozen in time
a statue in stone,
Speechless my lips
as my anger has grown.

Then all of a sudden
time has flown by.
Like ages and ages
as seen in the sky.

My memory returns
and so has my voice.
But you're out of sight
so here comes the choice.

Should I forget
and not say a word?
Or find you and yell
till my voice can be heard.

-Trust-

Trust is a strong word
a meaning broke in two.
The word formed around on letter
that letter is U.

For you are the one i live for
the only one i love.
And if you stay beside me
The U becomes an US.

For US means no other love
only me and you.
And from this day forth
I promise to be forerver true.

True to our relationship
In hopes it will never rust.
For you are the one i loves
The only one i trust.

-With You-

With you i've learned to fly
when i didnt know i had wings.
With you i've learned a song
when i didnt know i could sing.

With you i've learned to laugh
when i didnt know how to smile.
With you i've found my talents
even though they've been with me all the while.

With you i've found hope, joy and love
and everything i've wanted to be.

With you i've been taught
what it means to live
And exactly what it means
To be me.

-The wishing star-

"Stars are made for wishing on"
my very best friend told me.
So i gazed upon an october sky
and picked the brightest one i could see.

I named my star Karen
a very special name.
Now that this star had a title
she was all mine to claim.

I thought about what i wanted
something i could wish for.
But as i thought more about my wish i realised
into this process should go much more.

Karen should know my thoughts
behind each and every wish.
So before i made my wish that night
i told to Karen this.

I could wish for money
as my family is poor.
However money is not necessity
a person needs much more.

I could wish that special boy to like me
and say those three little words.
But love is more a sacred link
thats path has a thousand curves.

I could wish to be famous
to be someone other than myself,
But self-worth is measured by much more
than having trophies on your shelf.

Instead i want to be rich in spirit
sound in soul and mind.
I wish in the pot at the end of the rainbow
character is what i will find.

Instead i wish for understanding
and courage in matters of love.
I'll pray i meet the special someone
and tough times we will rise above.

Most i wish to know and like
who i am and what i have become to be.
And i ask that you help me realise
that i'm special, evenif i dont see.

I thanked Karen for listening to
my wishes and my dreams.
And there she is shining bright
no matter how dark it seems.

Karen listens to all i say
even though she live in a world so far.
But no matter where we end up living
she will always be my wishing star.

-Do not love me yet-

Do not love me yet for I
am still a slender moon.
A little nervous about the heart
too sharp to touch too soon.

Before i'm touched i need to grow
more full in golden light.
I need to smile upon my earth
and rule some patch of night.

I need to know what roads and fields
lie in my domain.
And dull my brand new extacies
with sophamoric pain.

I need the love of some blank boy
as cold and dark as me.
So we might love in ignorance
and fear of what might be.

And then when im a silver bowl
And know what i can hold.
Then perhaps we could try love
If you are not too old.

-I Love you and etc.-

I love you and etc
as i have never loved.
You are one of all so far
that i am certain of.

I'll do anything etc
to keep your cool brown eyes.
And make you smile that golden smile
and still your lonely sighs.

You're the greatest and etc
guy i've ever met.
Right now you are my heart and soul
Etc and Etcet.

-No comparison-

Leaves may change from green to gold
the sky from blue to grey.
The summer afternoon
to a sparkling winters day.

People change and places change
and time keeps changing too.
But one thing will stay the same
the way i feel for you.

Just to hold you in my arms
and feel good one last time.
Would just be the sweetest thing
everything would be fine.

You are the one for me
yes i know this is true.
I've told you that i love you
Do you feel this way too?

You calm my soul
whenever you are near.
I only wish for one thing
i wish that you were here.

I know the day will come
when i'll have to give you away.
I'll just have to convince you
that with me you should stay.

There's just one thing you need to know
and it is very true.
Out of everybody that I meet
they can't compare to you.

-Mirror-

I always wonder what your thinking
when you look at me.
Maybe I would be happier
if you saw what i see.

For in that mirror everytime
there's only imperfection.
I dont concetrate on good things
only things that need correction.

I realise that looks arnt all
and though ive tried to change.
I always think the same old thing
i think you think im strange.

Someday i hope that this will go
and as the time does pass.
Maybe i'll learn to appreciate
this girl that's in the glass.

-Mere Words-

I searched among the cars displays
To see if I could find.
A little something that would say
just what was on my mind.

However there was not one
that captured it just right.
For no one else can understand
just what i'd like to write.

I even find it dificult
to try and write it down.
For how do i portray to you
the love that i have found.

I close my eyes and what I see
Is someone i adore.
A person who is beautiful
right down to there soul.

Mere words cannot describe
the qualities you show.
The love and caring nature that
you share with those you know

Your kind and gentle temprement
your sweet angelic smile,
Your softly spoken sentiments
that reach across the miles.

Your smile and laugh that sparkle with
the softness of your sighs.
The way your face lights up a room
that twinkle in your eye.

The loving gestures over time
that quickly come to mind.
For always you've a gentle word
to calm and soothe i find.

I struggle and I search to try
to find some words anew.
And yet I cannot capture
All the things that make you, you.

I shall therefore be satisfied
that you must simply know.
Just how i feel about you
for words I cannot show.

-Tough to be Teen-

It's tough to be a teenager
no one really knows,
What the pressure is like in school
this is how it goes.

I wake up in the morning
and stare into this face,
I want to be goodlooking
but i feel like a disgrace.

Sometimes i get so low
i just want to cash it in,
My problems arnt so bad
if i think of how my life has been.

Sometimes i'm really lost
and wonder what to do,
I wonder where to go
who i can talk to.

It's tough to be a teenager
and sometimes it's not fair,
I wish i had somewhere to go
and somebody who cares.

Hi everyone, i havent written in ages because i've been so busy but im posting some poems ive written!

~Im not just a girl~

Im not just a girl

but the girl of your dreams

you may not see it now

for im not what i seem

You may look at me

and wonder whats so great

but you're only seeing looks

there's more to me just wait

Im sure as hell not barbie

if that's the girl you want

then maybe im not your type

the girl you wish to flaunt

I wont play childish games

to mess with your troubled head

and im not the kind of girl

who at first jumps in your bed

Just because im not easy

doesn't mean i wont rock it wild

because when the time comes

i'll be doing it in style

My body is not twig like

but at least it has some shape

you need something to hold on to

if you have any sort of taste

I have a kick-ass personality

and an understanding heart

but if you're not a softee

then in that you wont take part

But hey, if you dont want it

that's fine, i'll let you be

there's a million other guys out there

who'd kill to be with me!

hey, hows everyone doing?

Sorry i havent posted in aaaggges but alot of things have happened since my last post......Had to go down to sydney for awhile etc etc etc.

I have a story i'd wrote that i'd like people to comment on and give me their views..it's for an english mark at the end of the year..if you see anyway to improve it plz coment and tell me. thank you.

‘Marie’s Memories’

by Klara Nagy

“Adam, are you nearly ready to go?”  I yelled.  We were getting ready to go to the 10 year reunion at old high school, and if Adam didn’t hurry up, we were going to be late.  Everything was finally organized; the kids were asleep, the babysitter had arrived and all we had to do was get out the door, though that seemed to be our main problem.  “Ok, I’m ready,” Adam said.  I got in the car as he hopped in the drivers’ seat and started the engine.  As I sat down, I felt and heard paper crease underneath me.  I half got up to see what it was that I was sitting on.  An envelope with the word Marie printed neatly on it was lying on the seat.  I didn’t have time to open it, so I shoved it in my handbag meaning to open it later.

Arriving at my old school sends the memories flooding through me, failing classes, being bullied, meeting Adam.  I decided to just focus on the future; the best must be yet to come!

The hall is full of people who never gave me a second glance while I was at school but are now pushing their way through the people in the hall to talk to me.  Across the crowded room I spot familiar faces that sneered at me, laughed at me, taunted me.  An old, now elderly teacher makes his way up onto the vast, empty stage to make a speech.  I didn’t catch a lot of it, his thick European accent was still hard to understand, but I understood every word I needed to.  “I want all to come and talk about your childhood.”  As the first person went up and started to ramble on about merry-go-rounds, ice-creams and other sweet things like that.  I withdrew from the crowd, not physically but mentally, I was in a daydream.  I began to think about my childhood and how it was anything but sweet.

-    & nbsp;    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I was born on the 22^nd of November 1976 to my Mum, Louise.  She had been caught by the police with drugs and had the choice to either go to gaol or to attend a drug rehabilitation centre for two years.  When she got out of rehab two years later she was in and out of trouble with the police.  After a few accounts of drug possession, they sent her to gaol.  In gaol she met a lot of friends, mainly male friends.  She was a prostitute!  Through prostitution cam me, Marie.

When I was two years old my Mother met and began to live with a man named David, I think that’s where the problem started.  I was abused a lot while I was young, primarily by David, but occasionally also by my Mum.  It was hitting and punching mainly, but sometimes a kick or two would surface.  When I was five and attending kindergarten, David had given me such a beating the night before that I couldn’t sit while at school.  My nice teacher took me into the toilets to find out what the problem was; she of course noticed the bruising that had already appeared.  She contacted the police who arrived at my school soon after.  I was interviewed by the sergeant but I knew not to tell him anything because it might get me or my parents into trouble.  I was sent home but the policeman promised to be in touch.  I knew I had not heard the last of him.

I was in the shower when Mum got that phone call I had been dreading from the police.  All I remember clearly is hearing the phone, then a loud “Marie” from my mother, she was angry.  At that precise moment I knew that she had spoken to the police.  She had stated to the sergeant that the bruising was marking from a playground accident the day before and not from physical abuse.  In her statement she said that I fell of the monkey bars at a nearby park, they of course believed her, especially when I wouldn’t and couldn’t say any different.  I got in a lot of trouble that day; they said that it was my entire fault that the police became involved.

After the incident with the police, they didn’t hit me very often anymore, but they still found many other ways to punish me.  One day I didn’t do the dishes so David stood me in the corner, facing the wall and said “Don’t move unless you are going to the bathroom.”  While I was standing there, I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember is David waking me up saying that sleeping is a privilege I didn’t deserve.

A few months after, Mum broke up with David and got together with Steve.  Soon enough we moved from our perfectly good house into his house.  The house that Steve lived in was despicable, it had a blue plastic tarp as a roof and there were spiders, ants, cockroaches and other disgusting creatures roaming around.  The smell of the house was so vile it resembled a garbage dump and looked like one too.  A lot of nights I was too afraid to sleep, I just lay there thinking, jumping at every little noise and sound.

From then on life stayed reasonably normal, the house still stayed smelly and the abuse continued.  A few days before my 12^th birthday though, it all changed.  My Mum gave birth to my baby brother Joshua.  I remember being happy when he was born, because although there was a large age gap between us I now had someone to love, and to love me back unconditionally.  Mum and Steve figured that because I was twelve I was old enough to look after Josh while she was working as a checkout chick and he was out drinking in bars.

My most vivid childhood memory occurred about now.  I walked into my Mum’s bedroom to say goodnight only to find her cutting cocaine on a piece of broken glass.  I knew what it was and I was horrified!  I had never seen my Mum, or anyone else in contact with any kind of drugs before, and I knew it was wrong.  Mum yelled at me to get out, and I couldn’t leave fast enough.

After the cocaine business, Steve thought that since I already partly knew what was going on that I may as well do things for him.  He called them jobs.  I had to take a marijuana joint to a neighbor and receive money for it and take it back to him.  Once he even made me go down the street to some bushes where he had hidden a syringe.  It had an opaque coloured liquid in it and I took it back to him.  I must have been very naïve at the time because he told me it was his medicine and after being a little bit suspicious I believed him.  I didn’t even know what I was doing was illegal.

Soon after, Mum and Steve had a major disagreement with the neighbors and we had to move again.  During the car trip I was asleep most of the way, but I do remember waking up once to find Steve with a syringe sticking out of his arm!  At the time I think I thought it was a dream and went back to sleep, or perhaps I just wanted it to be one.

It was a very easy move for our family as we didn’t own much, whatever we used to own Mum pawned for money to feed her ever growing addictions.  Most days we were without the necessities of bread and milk but Mum never went without those cancer sticks of hers.  Our new house was in considerably better condition than the last, it had a proper roof and not quite so many little animal bugs prowling about.  I considered the move as a fresh start but my parents evidently didn’t.  The weird punishments continued.  One day I was running extremely late for school and as a result I forgot to brush my teeth before leaving.  When I returned home, Mum was waiting for me with an old tooth brush and a bottle of non-toxic toilet cleaner.  Before I could even wonder what was going on she had dragged me into the bathroom and had dipped the toothbrush into the cleaner.  I tried to dodge her hand but her aim was too good.  She vigorously scrubbed my teeth and mouth with toilet cleaner!  I think of the toilet cleaner as the worst thing that I have ever tasted.

A few weeks into my first term at my new school, I began to get bullied, never physically, but bullying just the same.  I always put it down to the fact that they didn’t understand me or my way of thinking.  I was always very bright but because of my situation, I obviously couldn’t join any after school classes and because my schoolmates didn’t know about my home life I don’t think they understood. 

Just after my thirteenth birthday, I was sent to live with my ‘real’ Dad, his wife Jackie and his son Thomas.  I know that they tried extremely hard to help me fit in as a part of their family, but as much as they tried, it didn’t work.  I really resented my half brother, what he owned, and the love he experienced that I never did.  I moved out after less than a year and back to live with my Mother.

We all then went on what Mum and Steve called a ‘holiday’, it consisted of them putting Josh and I in a cheap hotel for two weeks, hardly ever leaving any money for food, while they went out and got continually high and drunk at a derelict friends flat.

Mum did finally return to take us home.  Yet when we arrived back at the house we found that we had been evicted!  Mum found a window that had been left opened or had been forgotten and we accessed the house through that.  In the morning after a good nights rest, we found Mum had left again before we awoke.  There was a note left on the table saying that she would return later in the day with a moving van to take us to a new house that she will organize.  Needless to say neither she, nor Steve ever returned!  They left us for dead without any food or money.

I found a little girl down the street that I could baby-sit for several days a week for a little bit of money for food.

An old lady that lived down the road must have realized that there were never any adults around and she contacted DoCS (Department of Community Services) and they arrived a short while later to take Josh and I into care, as wards of the state.

We were both placed into the care of a lovely lady, Doris.  DoCS decided that it would be better for me to live my teenage life away from my brother considering what we had been through, so we were separated.  I was then put with a lady called Judy.  Judy gave me the life I had always wanted, had always dreamed of, caring, loving and thoughtful.  She even had pets!  After four months I was just starting to settle down into the regime of a new life when Judy got the call we’d both been dreading.  My Mum wanted me back, and had done all the necessary precautions to do so.  I had to leave.

Returning to my Mother’s dysfunctional life was shattering for me.  I had enjoyed my taste of being a normal teenage girl and realizing that nothing had changed in my Mum’s life was hard.

Two months after returning to live with my Mum, she gave birth to her third child, a girl, Nicole.  I practically became the sole carer in Nicole’s life.  Nicole didn’t learn to say “Mama” or “Mummy” until months after she said “Marie” because Nicole and Mum never had any interaction or quality time.

Within the next year we were constantly moving houses and occasionally states. It was hard on me but finally by the beginning of year ten we were settled.  I was sick of it!  I couldn’t nurture any of my talent and do extra curricular activities because I was always caring for Nicole.  I convinced Mum to let me get a part time job at the local supermarket.  I applied and easily got the job.  Even though Mum kept all the money I earned to go towards bills, I really enjoyed the interaction with people my own age, and getting out of the house, even though I was working for nothing.

I continued with my high school education and was able to graduate.  I couldn’t achieve my goal of the Higher School Certificate because I couldn’t attend the after school classes and exams required because of Nicole.  I met my current husband, Adam at my last and 15^th school.  He asked me to the Year 12 graduation formal and because I couldn’t afford to buy a proper elegant formal dress, he bought the one I liked for me as a present.  Four years later I left home and married Adam, much to my mother’s disgust and we had our children, Katie and Zack.  I have tried to overcome the scars of my past and I am determined that my children will never have to live through what I have experienced.

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“Marie, Mare”, said a strong European accent. I was startled out of my daydream by the teacher up on stage calling my name.  Itz your turn to talk to us”. I timidly crept up onto that vast, empty stage and took the microphone.  I looked out at the large crowd of familiar faces and spotted my husband’s smiling face staring back up at me.  For the first time in your life I realized I wasn’t alone.  Someone did care for me as a person.  I was finally able to tell my story.

I began, “I was born on the 22^nd of November 1976 to my Mum Louise.  She had been………….

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Epilogue-

“Adam are you nearly ready.”  It was a couple of weeks after the reunion and we were getting ready to leave to go out to dinner.  I grabbed my handbag and opened it to put my phone in.  I felt paper creasing beneath my fingers.  I found the envelope that I had been sitting on in the car on the way to the reunion.  I decided that now was time to open it.  Inside the envelope there was a letter, it said;

To My Dearest Darling Marie,

 ‘The Reason’

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I don’t know if you can ever forgive me for all the pain I have caused you, but I would dearly like you to try.

Love your Mother

Louise

2797 words

i had the best day even lincoln was alright and it was all ruined when i got home by my parents telling me theat my mum is in hospital AGAIN. She still has endocarditis (some heart thingy) cept that has caused her to have yet another sroke because the heart is rejecting the artificial valve that they put in...... 

:cry:

Why when i am actually happy doesa everything always have to be ruined by something or another.  I have decided i am not going down to sydney to visit my mum.  I just cant bring myself to go down there and see her again, not after everything that she has put me through. Also, she brought all this sickness on herself. If she just wasn't the way that she was she would be happy and healthy right now and i wouldnt be put into this predicament!

I dont know anymore, my grandparents down sydney say that i should go down, but i dont no.....Now is not the best time for me to leave anyway, though i would like to see my little bro. I have the drama esteddfod on monday and i cant exactly leave nicole hanging, coz if i went down to sydney i would go on friday and  come back wednesday.  So i think ill just stick here in port and leave everything how it is. Im really hoping that everything turns out ok. No matter how much i cant stand my mum because of all she has put me though it would be soo hard for me if she didnt make it! She is my mum after all

:?

Well anyway ill see!

Jared please dont tell ANYONE any of this